The Godly Man’s Response to Science

What is a Godly man to do when beset upon all sides by logic, science, and the facts of reality?

The Bible says to guard your mind and flee.

CLOSE YOUR MIND AND FLEE!

“Deliver me, O, Lord into the comforting arms of the fallacies of thine true word, that I may live my life without shame of hypocrisy.”

Logical arguments are designed to confuse and frustrate. Remember that nerdy kid on the debate team that made you feel insecure about yourself in high school? He used logic. That is why he deserved what he got.

Logic is the Devil’s way to trick your brain into thinking new and dangerous things in new and dangerous ways. Trust me on this: Do not try to think logically about any of your strongly held beliefs that give life meaning and purpose.

DO NOT THINK!

Using logic is only the first step toward falling victim to science. Science has no place in the life of a Godly man. For any questions about God’s creation, all the Godly man has to do is to open his Bible. The answers are all there.

You may be confronted at any time by scientific theories that have been tried and tested for centuries. Be prepared to resist the urge to learn more. Do not go poking your beak into any of these ridiculous science ideas. If God wanted you to poke your beak into science, he would have shaped your beak specifically for science poking. That is the only explanation. If you find something difficult to understand, it just means God does not want you to understand it.

DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND!

Be wary, therefore, of people who use numbers and facts organized together in well-researched articles published by the mainstream media. Citations are a clear sign that the author is using sources.

DO NOT TRUST SOURCES!

The “Fake” News Media always uses sources, and that is why they should not be trusted. The Bible never cites its sources, and God said in the Bible that the Bible is true. If you should ever find yourself tempted to read past the headline of a “Fake” News Media story, you can be sure that it is the devil at work.

In the moment of your temptation, cry out to the Lord: “Father, save me from the evils of knowledge. Deliver me from reality and its strong liberal bias. Free me from this constant fear of the truth. But most of all, Father, Make America Great Again. Remember? Like, when I was a little kid and I didn’t have to see people that looked different than me cause they weren’t allowed to go to the same school. Like, when I didn’t have to be reminded daily of the horrors wrought on this land by my ancestors. Dear God, white guilt really sucks, yaknow. Like it wasn’t me who did it so why should I even care? Wasn’t that the whole point of the Jesus’s teachings? Like seriously, why can’t everyone just leave me alone? But also can you make everyone stop having so much gay sex? It really makes me uncomfortable.”

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